We necessarily have life goals, based on what we see around us, what society dictates and what our loved ones expect from us.
In France, it is estimated that by the age of 30, you should have succeeded in life (Is it the same where you live ?) But isn’t 30, early?
If we go back 10 years…
I have to admit, I imagined my life quite differently.
I was in a relationship with what can be called my first love, a flat (certainly rented) in the center of Rouen (Normandy), two cats, I was a freelance photographer and my boyfriend (not the actual one obvs) was studying nursing.
We could have gone on like that for years until marriage, the child… and then what? A divorce at the age I’m at now?
I’m glad I didn’t check those boxes, because they weren’t mine.
It took me a long time to deconstruct those boxes. With a broken heart and a lot of questioning, I grew up.
I learned that life was not often as we hoped it would be and that everyone had their trials and tribulations.
Some people seemed to have it all when they were 30 and I was a little envious of what I thought was a success, when those same people felt that I was the one who had succeeded.
I’ll tell you one thing: Everyone has their own pace, everyone has their own goals.
For me, my 20’s were a “test” period, during this decade I lived through my disillusions, learned to get up, found my way, learned to listen to myself, followed my dreams, and learned who I was and who I wanted to become.
All of this I couldn’t have done without the difficult trials and without my friends, but also without these disillusions.
These are the boxes I thought I would check when I turned 30 :
– Working only for my company
– Being married or almost married
– Being expatriated
– Have my driving license
– Have a huge and well-filled dressing room (Yup? I watched Sex&The City a wee bit too much)
Spoiler alert: I didn’t check any of these boxes!
About the breakup, you already know, what you don’t know is that I was single for almost 6 years.
Then my work as a freelance didn’t allow me to have the requirements to become a single tenant, having moved to Paris, I couldn’t move away because of lack of income and because of family issues I forgot Quebec and the driving license (after all there is the metro).
My acquired expertise allows me to say to myself that I don’t have to go to Quebec to make the most of my experiences, but that I can try to live in Scotland.
And an environmental awakening has made me prefer a second-hand and minimalist dressing room.
We change in 10 years!
We experience beautiful or bad things that make us change our goals and aspirations.
Everyone has a different life, that’s why we have to stop looking at where others are in relation to our desires and ambitions but rather look at where we are, what we need to move forward and succeed, and above all do a little introspection and find out if we still want everything we wanted 10 years ago.
So stop thinking about others, and what they might think.
Unfortunately, I think it’s very French.
You can have a house, a job that looks very good, and look good on the outside and be dead inside.
This need to succeed in order to exist to the others. To have reached the milestones that society are imposing on us and above all to have done them within 30 years… what a funny idea!
What I can advise you to do is to detach yourself from that. To live, to discover a passion, to live it if you wish to do it… Above all, keep in mind that the rhythm of your friend, of a former classmate is not yours.
We do not live the same things and are not obliged to follow the same path or have the same dreams.
You won’t have a mid-life crisis if you keep that in mind, and you still have so much to discover and learn… your mid-thirties can be full of surprises!
There you go, that was a little more personal, others will surely follow.