For the first time here I will talk to you about a subject that will come up often, namely relationships, and more specifically, relationships between couples. Whether it was past relationships, encounters, after a few years of celibacy in the capital, I wanted to share my story and adventures on the subject.
This is the first article in a long series on the subject.
There are some things that men don’t do like us just before a date, buy an outfit for the occasion? Maybe, uh, a hair removal session? Probably not. Make-up? No, either. Send the details of our date and meeting place to one or more friends? No, I certainly don’t.
If I sometimes skip one of its stages, the last one is the one I don’t forget, it has become a habit because “you never know”, “it only takes once”…
I don’t know about you, but I met my exes in a group of friends, at school, at college.
And at 25, I found myself in Paris and on dating sites.
If at first I met some great people, some of them remain engraved in my memory for the wrong reasons.
I didn’t get physically attacked, but I almost did.
His name was Maël, and he was from Brittany, (it’s silly but I tended to have more confidence if you came from the same place as me) only he had never set foot there because he was born in Paris.
A first little disillusionment but it’s fine.
He only talks about his work, all the trips he has made, his Porsche he has bought for himself and his apartment in Versailles. I don’t even know what made me accept this date with him, arrogance is really not what I want in a man.
I look at the time and I tell him I’ll be there soon, as I told him I’ll make the delivery tomorrow morning and wake up at 6am. Clearly less glamorous than the story of his Porsche.
I go to the bathroom and when I get back up while I was sitting down to have a 2-minute conversation before leaving (I shouldn’t have sat down to say I was leaving, I learned the lesson) he tells me “you’re still going to buy me a drink, right?”
I don’t know what came over me, but I felt compelled, it was his tone, my fatigue, the fact that I thought I wanted to be nice (“after all he bought me a drink”)…
<"you're still going to buy me a drink, right?"
So be it. If it takes that to get me out of here, half a pint for me, a pint for him.
And now he’s asking me how to get home. “On? “I had told him by message, and during that evening that I would be home early, that it was just a drink.
That’s when the mask falls, he raises his voice, he yells at me outright because because of me he missed his last train, he thought I was saying no but I wasn’t serious, that when I saw him I was going to want to go back with him.
I just don’t know where to put his reaction being unexpected, the couple on the side is looking at us, the amused guy, the rather worried girl.
When he sees someone looking at us, he calms down. Apologizes, says he has to go to the bathroom and we’ll talk about it when he gets back.
But I don’t want to talk about it. I decide to run away, literally!
I get my things, my jacket and I run to the subway.
On the road I send a message to a friend to tell her that I had a terrible date with a madman.
In the subway corridors my phone rings, I pick up the phone without paying attention to the number… it was him.
“Did you leave? Wait for me!…. where did you go? Oh, that way? I hear the sound of your heels.”
At that moment, I was afraid, for me he was just going to go home empty-handed. At no time did I think he would rush into the subway in search of me, and “trace” me as if I had become a prey.
I am used to meetings and applications, I even say for fun that I have a doctorate in dating.
But this time, with his behavior, I was really scared.
I was happy to have just got back into that last subway, even though I had the blood that only went around once when I turned around and saw it one last time while the doors were closing. I was sitting there, a little stunned, and I wrote everything down to my friends.
When I came home I cried. I was safe, I wasn’t afraid anymore, but I cried because I was angry at myself.
Mad at not seeing in her game from the beginning, mad at having accepted that date, at having reacted like that.
Usually I am a strong woman, I can say no, leave when the need or desire arises, and then I had been unable to do so.
I was afraid of his reaction, afraid of a scandal, afraid of the repercussions, I wanted to be so nice, thinking that then I would be quiet. Finally a lot of dates happen like that, there is no feeling for one, and we leave it at that. But it wasn’t in his visible plans.
I questioned myself when it wasn’t my place to do it.
There was nothing wrong with my behavior, but in his.
Today I think many women feel guilty when they are attacked. Surely under the same conditions, it starts with a date, or you go out with the one you think you are a friend, or your boyfriend for some time, and that’s when the mask falls and everything changes.
We think about our outfit, the fact that we were too friendly and that we should have said no a fourth time, maybe he would have understood after hearing No three times.
Unlike other women, I was lucky this time, if I wrote this article it was to tell you that it is not your fault if one day it happens to you.
That a handsome young man can only be handsome in appearance, and that as soon as you feel uncomfortable, now is the right time to stop this date!
And if you have a doubt, if you don’t have a feeling before the date, find another more opportune time, or book your evening, after all, if you have to start by loving someone, start with yourself!